


self portrait of a new yorker

by dedicaiton



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Sugar Daddy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24253702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedicaiton/pseuds/dedicaiton
Summary: After Hinata's world comes crumbling down, a stranger named Kageyama is there to help pick it up, putting the pieces back together and making Hinata a whole person again.What exactly does that entail? And what happens when things get messy again?Hinata needs Kageyama.But as Hinata knows well enough, needing someone is painful and one of them is going to get hurt
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Other(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	1. sitting all alone again

**Author's Note:**

> this story is based on the song Self Portrait of a New Yorker by James Tillman  
> listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs7jlkLQ5zE)

Water roared like a lion behind Hinata, the fountain bursting and bubbling happily. 

The skyline was gorgeous at this time of night. Bright buildings twinkled like stars with the mystical chorus of honking cars as the soundtrack. Like a film, almost. But Hinata wasn't really in a movie and his life was crumbling around him. He couldn't press pause or fast forward to better times to come. No. This was now.

Shaking sobs wracked his body, causing his tiny frame to tremble underneath the coat. **_His_ **coat. Everything reminded Hinata of _**him**_ ; _**his** _cologne that basically seeped its way into the red-heads skin by now, the shoes _**he**_ had bought Hinata for his birthday, the way the moon barely peeked out from beneath the clouds. Like their first date almost four years ago. Everything was seemingly repeating itself.

This park meant something. It was where they met after all.

Hinata was twenty-one when they met. Naive, fresh-faced, and ecstatic to be in the big apple. New York was like a dream back then and he was living in it. Everything was covered with a rosy haze that only existed for a young adult ready to face their new life in a brand new city.

 **He** was twenty-seven when they first met. Born and raised in Manhatten, **he** knew everything. Being a teacher caused **him** to mature and grow as a person, especially edging on that four-year mark. **He** was experienced yet friendly and guiding. It tricked Hinata into believing **he** was someone **he** was not.

What did Hinata have to gain from all of it? Years of waiting at home for **him** to come back like a housewife. Hinata didn't have a steady job because **he** told him it wasn't necessary. Hinata listened to **him** without a second thought because he trusted **him.** He wanted to be good for **him** , the perfect boyfriend and fiancee. Hinata obeyed, Hinata sat silently, Hinata waited. That's how those, almost, four years went by.

Hinata loved **him,** more than words could describe. He was entranced and devoted to making everything perfect. He loved his life and waiting for **him** was the highlight of any day. Everything was exactly how it should have been and Hinata wouldn't change anything if he could.

_"What the fuck were you doing?" Hinata's voice trembled. His throat felt like it was closing in on itself and air couldn't enter his lungs. Suffocating was an awful feeling. Hinata grabbed his neck and kneaded at the skin there, hoping to get it to open. Nothing happened._

_"Sweetheart. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this." **He** whispered, wringing **his** hands on their coffee table. Their coffee table. Hinata had brought it with him from home and looking at it now, it brought back good memories. He needed that._

_Finally, a deep breath entered Hinata's lungs._

_"How exactly did you mean for me to fucking find out then?" Taking his hands off his neck, Hinata gripped his tightly. Hinata's knuckles turned white from how hard he was squeezing._

_"That hurts!" **He** exclaimed. **He** pulled his hands back like they were on fire, flinging them around to get the pain off. It caused Hinata to shake. He was suffocating again. Fuck, not again._

_A tear escaped from Hinata's honey eyes and trickled down full cheeks. The salty substance dropped onto the glass and pooled there as a tiny dot. Hinata studied it for a moment then wiped the rest away. Being hurt wasn't an option anymore. He was angry._

_"I'm going to ask you again. How exactly did you mean for me to find out? Find out that the girl you told me was your best friend, your childhood friend, was getting fucked in my bed. Just how long have you been doing this?" Hinata whispered. He feared that if he did anything above that, he'd be shouting. Crying with angry words spilling from his mouth like daggers._

_**He** was quiet. A minute went by, then two, but Hinata didn't dare say anything. He sat and waited patiently for the answer that was written on **his** face. He had seen that look before and chalked it up to nothing. Hinata had fucking convinced himself that he was looking too deep into things and quit searching for worried glances long ago. It had been a while, too long, and Hinata knew it._

_"A year? Maybe a little longer."_

Hinata cried more. The water drowned out the sobs that escaped and echoed off of the trees that shook around him. The wind had picked up by now and sent a chill down Hinata's spine, but he couldn't leave. Right now, this was his safe place. He had nowhere else to go. Every friend he had made was a friend of _**his**_. Thinking about discussing what happened felt like a dagger in Hinata's stomach. If he could, he'd gladly avoid anything along those lines.

_"I'm leaving."_

_"No! Please, honey, let me explain. I can't let you go out there. It's freezing-" **He** grabbed at Hinata's arm, grip strong and unbending. Hinata's fingertips caressed the doorknob soft, but they fell to his side as he turned to face **him**. His escape was so close yet so far. _

"Are you okay?"

A voice snapped Hinata out of the trace, causing him to lift his head from his hands. They were wet and covered in tears, so he wiped them on his jeans before looking at the stranger.

They were tall. Taller than Hinata, and fit. He wore a blue jacket and red running shorts with leggings underneath. Glancing toward his face, Hinata saw concern. He also saw blue eyes, dark, floppy hair, and young features. This stranger couldn't be that much older than Hinata.

"Hello? I said are you okay?" The man began to jog in place now, lifting his legs up and down. Hinata used his sleeve to eliminate a few more tears before responding.

"I'm fine." Hinata's voice was wrecked. Positively and absolutely so. The stranger quirked a black eyebrow before stopping the movement. He began to walk forward, toward the fountain, before Hinata stopped him. "I don't need your help."

"You look like you need _some_ sort of help. Do you want me to call someone for you?" He brought his phone out of the legging pockets for reference before Hinata shook his head no.

"Could you just leave me alone?" Hinata begged, playing with his hands. It reminded Hinata of _**him**_ , a nervous habit **_he_ **had done more times than Hinata could count.

The stranger nodded in understanding and popped in some headphones. He slowly began to jog in his original direction before casting a look over his shoulder. To check on Hinata, maybe. Did he care? Care about this random person in the park? Was he going to listen? A lot of possibilities. Maybe this was going to be good. Maybe he was just desperate. This was a bad idea. If everything went wrong, he'd blame it on the break-up brain. Yeah. No one ever thinks rationally after a breakup.

"Wait!" Hinata called. His voice was loud, loud enough for the stranger to have heard it. Hinata also knew this because the man pulled out the headphones and turned his body Hinata's way. "Please come back."

Surprisingly, he did. Whoever this person was, he was definitely insane.

"I don't normally do this," The stranger admitted while rubbing the back of his neck. "but you don't seem like a pervy old man, or like you're playing a trick. You look upset and I feel bad."

"Your survival skills are awful," Hinata sniffled and smiled. "and I'd hope I don't look like an old man yet. I'm Hinata."

"Tobio. Er... I prefer to go by Kageyama." Kageyama sat down on the fountain edge, far enough away from Hinata that he could run but close enough so that he could hear him clearly over the water. "So. Hinata. Why are you crying in the park at two a.m.?"

Hinata thought for a moment. Why was he crying?

Was it because he had just found out his boyfriend has been cheating on him? Not to mention, he saw the act firsthand and didn't find it out through text messages or something better than actually witnessing it happen. Or was it the fact that now that he knew his (ex?) boyfriend was cheating, he felt utterly alone? 

No one had come with him when he moved to the city. All of his friends and family were back home. The only people that he had constant contact with were _**his**_ friends, _**his** _colleagues, _**his**_ family. (Minus about five people max who Hinata had not spoken to in months, years even due to _**him**_.)

It was both.

But that was too long and complicated to explain to Kageyama, so the obvious answer was the one he chose. 

"I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with his best friend. Maybe three hours ago? I've been out here for a little." Hinata admitted and stared into Kageyama's eyes. They were gorgeous. They looked like the night sky above them at this moment, twinkling yet cloudy. Or maybe a stormy night would be a more fitting description?

"Oh." Was that all Kageyama was going to reply with? "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Hinata lied. "he's a jerk anyway. Saved me some time right? I was gonna marry him too!"

As Hinata laughed, Kageyama wearily glanced at him. Like before, Kageyama was confused. Concerned, mostly. He didn't understand how someone could be laughing at a time like this. At least Hinata wasn't crying anymore, though.

"How long were you two dating?" Kageyama asked, scooting closer. He felt water soak into his shorts as he did so and cringed at the damp feeling. 

"A couple of years. It was almost our anniversary, actually. The seventeenth."

Everything felt so surreal as he said those words. Here Hinata was, explaining his life to a jogger whom he had never seen before. In the night, no less, on a fountain edge in New York City.

"Are you going to go back home soon? I can still call someone for you if you don't have your phone. It'sfreezing _._ " Kageyama's sentence sent a shock through Hinata's body, causing him to tremble more. From the cold, now amplified, or by Kageyama's voice that sounded exactly like _**his**_ , Hinata didn't know.

_"Please, honey, let me explain. I can't let you go out there. It's freezing-"_

So he said what any logical person would say to someone they just met not even twenty minutes ago.

"Could I go home with you?"

Kageyama's eyes widened significantly and he stood up. He put his hands out from his chest and backed away a little bit. The look on Hinata's face was pained but Kageyama didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry, I don't know you..." Kageyama trailed and touched the phone in his pocket in case something happened. What if this short munchkin was only playing an act to kidnap him? He could take the ginger on easily. Not if he got jumped, though. He'd never stand a chance against more than one person! Running can only do so much for you in terms of muscle. Kageyama looked around feverishly but saw no one in the park besides Hinata.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just can't go back there, ya know? But it's fine. I'll find somewhere," Hinata smiled and for a second, Kageyama was convinced. He'd find another place and he'd be safe for the night. But with a second look, Kageyama was sure that was false. Hinata looked like he had no hope left, all light gone from his eyes. It was painful to witness. Was Hinata crying again? "Thanks for listening though. It was nice to talk to someone about it."

Everything his mother had ever taught him was screaming at him to turn around. He didn't owe this tiny, sad stranger anything. He shouldn't have even turned around, to begin with. How exactly was this going to benefit him? By being a good samaritan? That act was played out anyway. He should just leave right now before things get worse. Before this man expects something of him.

A sigh left his mouth.

"You can come back to my place. For the night only though. You'll have to find somewhere to go in the morning, I have work," Kageyama rubbed his temples as he saw how overtly excited the red-head got. This was a mistake. "Please don't thank-"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Hinata cried, the sound echoing. He jumped up and nearly tackled Kageyama, causing them both to tumble to the ground. Instinctively, Kageyama caged Hinata in his arms and provided cushioning as the air was knocked out of him. A wheeze struggled to escape as Hinata gasped. "Oh my god! Tobio, are you okay? Do you want me to call an ambulance? I'm so sorry!"

Kageyama said something that didn't quite come through, air making up most of the sentence. Hinata popped his top half up and straddled Kageyama's waist, looking down at him.

"What is it? Where's your phone?!" Hinata attempted to pat the other down but was stopped when a hand was placed upon his chest.

"I said," Kageyama struggled, pushing the boy off of his pelvis and onto the ground next to him. "Don't call me Tobio."

Hinata laughed and sprawled out on the path as Kageyama got up.

"Jesus, you're fucking heavy. And touchy. Didn't your mom tell you to stay away from strangers, not jump on them?" Kageyama asked as he brushed himself off, offering a hand to Hinata who immediately took it.

"Yes but you seem really trusting. Like I could tell you my bank information right now and you wouldn't rob me." Hinata explained with a smile. His face was puffy and red but cute.

"I absolutely wouldn't mind that. But let's go, dumbass. I'm cold."

With Kageyama leading the way, they left the park. Hinata cracked jokes and ran ahead with unbottled energy that made Kageyama smile as he trailed somewhat behind. Thankfully, Hinata never looked back and knew where to go from Kageyama's words. Eventually, they had to stick together due to an enormous crowd but with the way Hinata radiated happiness, Kageyama didn't mind.

It almost made him not regret his decision. Almost.


	2. here i find myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slight delay, but this chapter truly makes my heart melt. i love these cute strangers

The streets weren't empty.

They never were and Hinata got used to all the people fairly quickly. The neverending flow of traffic that continued on and on without fail. It was reliable and soon enough, Hinata found it weirdly comforting. Knowing that he wasn't ever going to be truly alone made him pleased. As they walked, he wondered how someone could survive here without that skill.

Kageyama didn't seem to have it mastered.

His eyes wearily looked others up and down as they passed the boys, and he even seemed to lean into Hinata for comfort. Being much taller than the ginger, it looked more awkward than shy. A giggle slipped through Hinata's lips as Kageyama twisted his entire body close when an odd-looking man grinned at them as he walked by.

"What's so funny?" Kageyama questioned through gritted teeth, evading another passerby. Hinata laughed into his sleeve and looked up at Kageyama with soft eyes.

"You don't like people, huh, Tobio?" Hinata teased, but it seemed to strike a nerve. Instantly, the boy straightened up and attempted to see more independent. All while glaring at Hinata, mind you.

"Don't call me Tobio and I don't trust people. Never have, never will." Kageyama explained as they turned a corner.

"How come you're trusting me then?" Hinata said with swinging arms. He was making a game of trying not to step on the crosswalk lines as they made their way to the next block. Kageyama scowled.

"I guess I shouldn't then." Kageyama offered. What did he want Hinata to say? Yes, he shouldn't trust him. Though Hinata himself thought he was quite trustworthy. What was the right answer? He needed this and losing the opportunity sounded like a shitty night.

"Yeah. I guess you shouldn't."

Kageyama's apartment was normal. Painstakingly and frustratingly normal. Nothing about it screamed personality except a few pictures hung on the fridge. Upon closer inspection, Hinata noticed that they were friends. 

Friends laughing and smiling at the beach, Kageyama with them looking sweaty but ecstatic. Friends getting ice cream but Kageyama was nowhere to be found. Possibly taking the picture. Friend, singular. Kageyama receiving a kiss on the cheek looking annoyed. Hinata traced the picture, looping his finger around before he was stopped in his tracks.

"What're you doing?" Kageyama asked, head twisted as he viewed the scene in front of him. He had announced that he was going to the bathroom when they entered the apartment and that Hinata could have a look around while he waited. Hinata didn't know he'd be back so soon.

Completely caught off guard, Hinata screamed with his finger still resting on Kageyama wearing swim trunks. A second passed before he had the mental capacity to put his arm back at his side and attempt to be normal. Though, even a fool could tell that it wasn't going to work.

"Just... lookin'." Hinata placed his elbow on the fridge and leaned into it, trying to look cool. It failed hilariously and caused Kageyama to sigh, fingers rubbing at his temples.

"Well stop _lookin_ ' so I can give you a fucking tour, dumbass," Kageyama growled and grabbed at Hinata's arm, pulling him away from the pictures.

The rest of the apartment was, as you guessed it, also pretty bland. The living room, which blended into the kitchen as the main room as an open floor plan, barely had any furniture. A couch sat against the wall near the balcony door with a coffee table in front of it and a tv mounted on the wall near the front door. Surprisingly enough, bookshelves sat on either side of the tv. They were filled to the brim with titles Hinata didn't recognize.

Kageyama's bedroom was large with windows for walls, outlooking the city. Especially at this time of night, it was bright and gorgeous. Hinata couldn't seem to take his eyes off it. That was until curiosity got the best of him and he decided to look around the room some more. The bed was pushed against the windows with a table next to it. More bookshelves lined one of the two walls without windows and a ginormous flat-screen took up the other. 

"Wow. This is such a nice apartment. How much do you make?" Hinata wondered aloud, hopping on the bed and looking down at the streets below. Cars looked like ants from this height. How far, exactly, were they up? The elevator ride was pretty long but Hinata didn't even think to count. He was too busy focusing on the way the ceiling mirror warped him and Kageyama's bodies when they shuffled about.

"Enough," Kageyama shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, clearly embarrassed. "You can sleep here tonight. In my room, I mean. I'll take the guest."

Hinata gaped like a fish, whipping around quickly. He stumbled off the bed but thankfully caught himself before his face slammed into the hardwood floor. Face to face with Kageyama, he pleaded.

"No! This is your room, your house. I'm already making problems by even being here. I mean, we met not even an hour ago!" Hinata whined, throwing his hands in the air, exasperated. He needed Kageyama to realize how thankful he was, and taking the master bed seemed was the last thing he wanted to do. "I'd be happy sleeping anywhere else but here. The floor would probably even be comfy-" 

Kageyama shushed him with a finger placed gently upon his lips. Hinata's brain went into overdrive as he tried to process _exactly_ what was happening. Though, after a second of only blank thoughts, he gave up. What else was he supposed to do?

"You've been through enough tonight. At least you can see something pretty as you fall asleep. The view is great." The words came out as a whisper as Kageyama let his finger down slowly but surely. With a glance at his hand, Kageyama even seemed to be surprised by his actions. Hinata paled and malfunctioned as he attempted to stay cool.

"I don't. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry." Kageyama apologized, but Hinata answered by putting a hand on his bicep and smiling. 

"It's fine, I promise. Let's get to bed, yeah? The guest bedroom is mine." A grinned popped up on Hinata's face as he said those words, and eventually, one showed on Kageyama's. Hinata felt an incredible sense of pride getting the man to smile. Wait. 

_Why am I even thinking like that?_

"Thank you for everything Kageyama. Really. You're saving my life here. Knowing my luck, I'd get mugged in the night or something. You'd probably see my name on the news." Putting his hands out in a box, Hinata spoke in a reporter's voice. "This just in: young man dead in Central Park after a late-night stabbing yesterday. More news tonight at ten."

Kageyama burst into a fit of laughs and wouldn't stop. He doubled over, cackling like a madman, tears streaming down his face. Hinata stood awkward and uncomfortable, putting his arm behind his neck in embarrassment. Was his joke that funny?

"Sorry," Kageyama wiped at the salty tears to clear them from his eyes. "That was so spot on. You should go into voice acting, I swear. Anyway, goodnight. You can wear the clothes in the closet in the guest room. They're probably a little big but better than nothing, right?"

Hinata nodded and found himself in the guest bedroom. It was nice, like Kageyama's own, but not as cool. There were no ceiling-to-floor windows that overlooked the city to mystify him as he rocked to sleep. Still, there was a nice queen bed with side tables, a desk in the corner, and a mirrored closet at the far end of the room. It took up the entire wall and faced the bed. Sliding open one of the doors, Hinata was greeted with too many clothes.

The closet was huge. Bigger than Hinata's bedroom back at _**his**_ apartment. Suits lined the walls on one side with t-shirts and hoodies on the other. Shoes were stored on the top and pants, like jeans or sweatpants, on the bottom in bins. It was gorgeous. Quickly looking over everything, Hinata picked out a nice t-shirt that looked comfy enough. It was a deep blue and two sizes too big. It went past his boxers and rested at mid-thigh; the perfect length.

Closing the doors and running to the bed, Hinata groaned and slammed onto the comforter with a huff. He was exhausted and sleep sounded like a great escape after such a long day. But he couldn't stop thinking about Kageyama. How nice, how sweet, how incredibly trusting the man was. Hinata was a stranger and Kageyama opened his arms willingly; let Hinata in. 

Shit, he even trusted Hinata with all the expensive stuff in his apartment. If he wanted to, he could totally steal everything and leave, never see Kageyama again and be so much richer. Maybe even get an apartment for himself. No. Hinata wasn't that kind of person, and Kageyama seemed to sense that.

Settling into bed was easy. The sheets were nice and cold, perfect for sleeping. Hinata wiggled his legs as he shut off the bedside lamp and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Hinata found out that the pillow smelled like Kageyama. Of cologne, was that Gucci Guilty? And of pine, some smoky scent, and fresh detergent. It almost soothed him to sleep but nothing would come. 

Hinata laid there for hours it seemed like, the clock reading a red 3:56. Hinata knew he had come in here long before then.

Sleeping with _**him**_ as commonplace. No matter what happened during the day, Hinata and _ **he**_ would always end up tangled together in the night. Maybe Hinata had become too dependent on sleeping with someone. Even back home, Hinata's little sister Natsu would snake her way into his bed and cuddle with him. He never minded and usually welcomed her, her little body providing warmth under the covers. 

Hinata couldn't remember the last time he was alone for the night.

After throwing the idea around in his head for a while, Hinata finally pushed back the covers and stepped onto the freezing floor. Quietly, he pushed open his door and went to Kageyama's, knocking lightly. He hoped Kageyama wasn't asleep because going to bed alone sounded awful and impossible, not to mention he didn't want to wake the man up. That just sounded like asking to be thrown out. Then, he'd have to sleep alone on a park bench instead of in a plush, heated apartment.

Thankfully, less than thirty seconds later, the door opened. It revealed a sleepy-looking Kageyama in nothing but sweatpants, wiping at his eyes to clear them. He yawned and stretched before even considering that a person was in front of him.

"Hinata? You okay?" Kageyama's voice was deep, groggy with sleep, and Hinata wanted to melt. Being a puddle on the floor sounded good right about now, honestly. At least Kageyama didn't seem mad.

"I can't sleep," Hinata admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. He needed to stop being so nervous. Fuck. "I was wondering if I could sleep with you. If that isn't too much to ask. You've already done so much for me-"

"I get it," Kageyama stopped him with another yawn and a crooked smile that sent daggers into Hinata's heart. "Come on in. I know you just wanted to look out the window as you fell asleep, right dumbass?" Hinata giggled and happily walked in, slamming onto the bed. He tried not to think about the fact that he wasn't wearing any pants as he did so.

"Of course."

With Kageyama's head resting mere inches from his as drowsiness threatened to take over, Hinata thought back to what Kageyama had said earlier.

_"At least you can see something pretty as you fall asleep."_

The way his voice sounded made Hinata shiver with happiness, brightness filling his chest. It was so hard to believe that Kageyama was only a stranger.

Suddenly, tomorrow didn't seem as scary. _ **He**_ didn't seem as menacing. As long as he was around Kageyama, Hinata sensed that everything would be alright. Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> if you like this, follow my [tumblr](https://dedicaiton.tumblr.com/%20rel=) and request some more <3


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